Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
