Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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