Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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