Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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