She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
