You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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