I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You smell like stripper and shame
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
