Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
