i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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