Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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