It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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