he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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