omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
