absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
