all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
