M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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