I didn't shave. On purpose
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
