woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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