we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
