i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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