i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
smell my finger.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
