3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
