god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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