found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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