I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
