i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
even my farts smell like vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
