oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
