I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
