I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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