I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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