He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
