I didn't shave. On purpose
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
