what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
