Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
