I looked at my own cervix.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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