hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
