another moral hangover. fuck.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think i have two assholes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
