the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
