Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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