I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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