If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
