the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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