we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
