I wish life had little blips of pornography
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
