Apparently you make a good broom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
