I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
