they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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