I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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