I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
