she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My bed smells like the plague
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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